The Way To Forget and The Reason To Remember
by lovetailbrokenheart
Summary: Near is being bullied by Mello while secretly hiding his love for the Blonde, when Matt steps in and lets the truth out everything will change for the two of them.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

**Hi. Welcome to the Start of TWTFATRTR or The Way To Forget and The Reason To Remember. This started out as a oneshot but stupidly I continued it. I am HORRIBLE at finishing stories so you should know that as of right now I only have a chapter and a half left to write. This story should end up at around 8 or 9 chapters by the end, all around this size. (Hey, be happy I'm trying to finish this) Anywho. I should update every week or every other week on Tuesdays. I will always update on Tuesdays. (unless I accidentally forget ) ENJOY AND REVIEW PLEASE!**

NearXMello  
The way to forget and the reason to remember  
Near's POV

I walked down the hallway quietly. Never making a single sound. I bit my lip, trying to keep the tears from streaking down my face. I would not let him see how much he hurt me every day. I was the emotionless one...the quiet one...THE one...the successor to the great L. But none of that mattered to me. All that mattered to me was him.  
The way his blonde hair fell across his face. The way his striking blue eyes could strike fear into your heart at just one glance. The way he tried to pretend like he hated him...  
I shook my head. Who was I kidding? He did hate me. He always would.  
But I would always love him. No matter what.  
I glanced down at my wrist, ever so slightly pulling up my sleeve to get a glance at the many scars littered across my pale arm. One for every time he hurt me. Soon there would be one more.  
I looked up and stopped, realizing I was at my room already. Gently I pushed open the cold wooden door to room 14. N's room. My room.  
Turing around I made sure to lock the door. I wasn't sure if I wanted someone to find me or not...then again I never truly was sure. There's something about knowing that someone cares enough to try and keep you from hurting yourself. But there's the fear of someone stopping you. Taking away your only way to forget.  
Slumping down in the back corner of my room I turned to grab the knife out of my closest. I held it in my lap for a moment...thinking again of why I was here, back in my corner with a knife in my hands.

"You'll never do anything right sheep. All you can do is solve puzzles! Your just a coward. Go ahead. Run and hide!" I stood there shaking in the rain as Mello taunted me. My white clothes turned almost see through as they clung to my sides. I could see the rage in his eyes as he started for me. I wasn't too scared. He had down this before a thousand times. But this time was special. L chose me today. He found out I was first. That he was second. And always had been.  
"If you're so special, stand and fight!" He knew I couldn't. He was going to kill me. I could feel it as I stood there, the thunder getting closer and closer. Almost mimicking Mello's anger. Getting louder and more fierce.  
I cowered as Mello ran towards me. I felt as he hit me again and again. I could barely hear him yelling at me over my screams of pain.  
He had been smart to come after me when there was a thunderstorm. Or had it been luck? Who knows. I don't know how long he had attacked me. The next thing I knew I woke up slumped beneath a tree outside. Bruises covered every inch of my skin; I had had to limp inside.

It took a few weeks for the bruises to heal. I knew I had to wait for that before I could continue my tradition.  
The tears now fell freely. The memory hitting me full force. I squeezed my eyes shut and winced at the metal torn through skin. Sighing in relief as the blood flowed down my arm. The pain. The wondrous pain that made me forget. I didn't ignore it, I embraced it. Welcomed it.  
What I didn't welcome was the knock at the door. "Near! Open the door. Please..." I knew the begging could never come from Mello. I had never once heard Mello beg for anything. "It's me. Matt." I stood up slowly, wobbling, dizzy from blood loss. Fumbling slightly I managed to open the door a crack, forgetting I still had tears streaking down my pale cheeks. Matt gasped quietly and forced his way in, shutting the door behind him.  
"Near...not again...you said you had stopped cutting!" I stared at him with expressionless eyes, well aware now that tears still fell down my cheeks. He wasn't concerned at all about the tears though.  
"Come here. Sit." The red head gently pushes me down onto my bed. Pulling my blood soaked shirt off me, tearing  
it into strips and wrapping them tightly around the still bleeding wound.  
"Stay." From the furious look in his eyes I decided it would be best to listen to him. I watched as he stalked out of the room. All but slamming the door behind him. I listened as his running footsteps faded down the hall.  
The torn shirt still lay on the floor. It's strip tied tightly around my arm, already soaking with blood. I glanced up at the door, the sounds of running and dragging mixed with arguing reached my ears. It was hard to keep my expressionless look as Mello himself was dragged into my room. Matt threw him down and pointed angrily at me. "Look a wha' you've done Mell!" When Matt was angry his British accent usual started to show more vividly. "He just abou' cut off his arm this time! And it's all your fault!" I could see the anger start to fade from Mello's eyes as he looked at me. Truly looked at me. The small white child, pain and fear plainly in my vibrant silver blue eyes. The blood soaking though the torn shirt tied around my wrist. Mello stood up and slowly walked towards me. I flinched and scooted back into my corner. "I...I won't hurt you Near..."  
It must have been obvious I didn't believe him because he started to cry. I blinked and looked at him In shock. Cry! Mello! It was unthinkable! Yet here he was in front of me. Practically sobbing.  
Matt backed out of the room; satisfied that Mello wouldn't hurt me.  
"Near...I'm so sorry...I...I was so scared...I started to like you more and more and I..." his head fell down in shame, his sobs ripping through his weakened body violently. "I didn't know what to do. Nothing made sense anymore...my head was saying I was stupid and wrong but...my heart knew...it always knew...that I loved you..."  
I was almost afraid to believe him. Could this somehow be a trick? Was Mello just trying to hurt me again? But his tears...the pain and fear in HIS eyes...it had to be true...Mello...MY MELLO loved me...  
Biting back my fear I slowly crawled forward to him. Lifting up his chin gently to look him in his beautiful blue eyes. "I love you too Mello." I leaned forward before I lost my courage and gently kissed the blonde. He wrapped his arms around me and held me like I had always dreamed he would.  
I knew then that everything would be okay. I would always be okay if I was in Mello's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hey guys! It's finally Tuesday again. You guys excited for your next update? Huh? HUH? Lol. Okay, I'll let ya guys read now. REVIEW :3 pwease. I love the feedback.**

NearXMello 2  
The way to forget and the reason to remember  
Mello's POV

I smiled as I remembered yesterday.

I spun around as Matt burst into my room, I could just barely see traces of blood on his hands before I noticed the vicious look in his eyes.  
"You! Here! Now! Bitch!"  
I had never truly been afraid of Matt until now. He grabbed my wrist and began dragging me down the hall.  
"Where are you taking me!" Somewhere that was going to change our lives forever...  
"To see what you've done!" Matt screamed at me, the anger growing in his eyes till I was sure he was going to kill me.  
"What do you mean what I've done!" I tried to pick up my feet and walk but the red head was dragging me too fast for me to do anything but let myself be dragged.  
Matt stopped in front of Nears door and threw me inside.  
"Look a wha' you've done Mell!" I looked over at the pale boy. Shocked to see his arm wrapped up with blood soaking though, a bloody knife on the floor across the room.  
"He just abou' cut off 'is arm this time! And it's all your fault!" I looked at Near again, I could feel myself breaking down inside. Every thought about loving Near, every fear of being judged just clicked. I knew what I had to do. What I wanted to do. I slowly stood up and slowly walked toward the small boy, a pierce of pain struck through my heart as he flinched and backed up. What had I done...  
"I...I won't hurt you Near..." I could feel the tears run down my cheeks as Near watched me carefully. I could hear Matt back out of the room, he probably figured I wasn't going to hurt him anymore.  
"Near...I'm so sorry...I...I was so scared...I started to like you more and more and I..." my head fell down in shame, sobs ripping through me violently. "I didn't know what to do. Nothing made sense anymore...my head was saying I was stupid and wrong but...my heart knew...it always knew...that I loved you..." I could only pray he loved me back...that he would forgive me for everything bad I had done to him.  
A slight touch reached my chin gently forcing me to look up into the glassy sliver/blue eyes.  
"I love you too Mello." My breath caught in my throat as a spark of hope spread through me. The silver haired boy slowly leaned forward and very gently kissed me. The hope spread farther and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his tiny waist.  
I knew then that everything would be okay. I would always be okay if I had Near in my arms.

I looked down happily at the small childlike boy in my arms. The tears now dried; he was fast asleep. He looked so calm. Peaceful. Like he didn't have a care in the world. I very carefully pulled his arm up to look at his wrist. I frowned at the many scars running across his wrist, knowing that they were all my fault. Every single one of them. Some of the cuts looked fresher then the others, some were still scabbing over while others looked years old. They probably were...  
Near stirred, looking up at me sleepily and in confusion. Recognition spread across his eyes and he blushed deeply.  
"Morning sweetheart." He smiled and pulled himself closer to me. I chuckled and brushed his snow white hair out of his face, "How did you sleep?"  
"Better then usual." He replied sleepily.  
"Good." I yawned and stood up, gently untangling myself from Near. "I'm going to go get us some food love."  
He smiled and jumped up, taking my hand.  
"Wait for me!" He let go to throw on a clean shirt and took my hand once again.

"Hey lovebirds!" Matty called, smiling. He sat down across the table from us with a tray of food. The food on his tray looked like some mutant cross between mashed potatoes and an apple. Mixed with strawberry jello and possibly a pickle smashed in somewhere. I have no clue how poor Matt still had an appetite after seeing that. Yet he took bite after bit of his jello potatoes. Matt laughed at the look on my face and pointed to my own plate.  
"You not eating?" my own plate of pickle apple jello hadn't even been touched. I shoved it toward Matt.  
"I'll go steal some chocolate later." He looked like he didn't believe I would get away with that but left it alone and continued eating anyway.  
"So how's the great white one?" He nodded to Near, who had fallen asleep while leaning against me. I didn't exactly mind.  
"Exhausted. He's hardly done anything but sleep today." I shifted carefully to get more comfortable while not waking the sleeping boy.  
"Can't exactly blame him. Poor guy has had a rough life. Especially this month. But I have a feeling everything is looking up for him right now." Matt winked at me and bit back a laugh. I looked down as a blush spread across my face.  
Matt stopped and watched me for a second, before I could ask what was wrong a egotistical "bad boy" kid walked by, shoving me and muttering "Gay freak."  
The anger spread through my veins faster then it ever had in my entire life. I leapt off the bench and tackled the kid, shoving his face into the ground. Unfortunately a familiar call rang out before I even got out the first punch. "Mello!" I muttered under my breath angrily. He was ALWAYS watching me...  
A hand grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me up, dragging me towards the direction of Roger's office.  
"Doesn't ANYONE understand that I HATE being dragged places! SERIOUSLY! My ass is going to get a friken rug burn!" Roger just ignored me and continued dragging me into his office, slamming the door behind us.  
I just hoped Near would be okay without me...

**A/N Ooooo Mello is PISSED. I'm not particularly surprised…the guy was a jackass…BUT that was his one and only job. I'm actually thinking about rewriting some of these chapters…But I dunno. I'll admit the story kinda dies in a few chapters…I lost interest. Though I'm almost finished writing it. I may edit in a part or two…Tell me what you think guys!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**

**-Hides- I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE ON TUESDAY! 1. I have the memory of a goldfish. Ask my Matty. 2. My schedule was all frooped up. (yes frooped.) Usually I go to Matty's every Tuesday and I update before I leave but Mello went over this Tuesday. 3. I didn't even realize I didn't update until yesterday (Thursday) and I was in a depresseded mood all day so that didn't happen. So here we are today. I'm rambling aren't I...Well I'll let you read. **

NearXMello 3  
The way to forget and the reason to remember  
Near's POV

_The light shined down onto the old pine in a way that mottled shadows danced across the ground as the wind twirled around the branches. Mello happily played around the tree, chasing Matt around and around until they could run no more and collapsed in a laughing heap. I leaned my head against my knee and continued to watch the scene unfold. A movement in the window to our right caught my eye, I turned to see Roger talking to a hunched over character who looked a lot like BB but without the almost evil look in his eyes. Roger pointed out the window to me, Mello, and Matt in turn; saying something in between each point. I watched the black haired figure carefully, somehow knowing that he would decide my fate.  
Time seemed to slow as he looked straight at me and shook his head. The ground tilted and moved out from beneath me, leaving me falling through thin air. A voice in my head confirmed what the man meant.  
"He's not good enough. You're not good enough Near. You never will be..."_

"NEAR!"  
I jolted awake, I wasn't falling. Well, I was, but only because Mello had moved and I had been leaning against him. I pushed myself back up and looked over at Matt, who had called me. He was now preoccupied with watching something on the ground behind me, I turned just in time to hear Roger yell at Mello and watch him get dragged away.  
Tears sprung to my eyes, I had to remind myself that he probably had a good reason to be attacking the kid on the ground, Jackson I believe, but that didn't matter. All that I cared about was Mello...MY MELLO...was being dragged away from me, and all I could do was stand and watch it happen.  
At some point I realized that a hand had been placed on my shoulder. I looked up to see Matt watching Mello be dragged away, then look down and smiled sadly at me with concern clear as day on his face.  
He just got me to my feet and led me away to his room. "Come on Near. He'll be back soon. He always comes back." I hardly heard him. I had a feeling something bad was about to happen.  
Something caught my eye as I was being led away, I looked around and noticed the black haired man who was not BB...for BB was standing right next to him...holding his hand. Part of me was happy that I wasn't the only gay one at Whammy's house, the other part of me wanted to know exactly who the man was. He stood with a curve to his back...like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had a lollipop in his hands, like he believed that there was already enough bitterness in the world that there should be something sweet. He noticed my staring and turned to look at me. I only saw a glimpse of his ink black eyes before Matt pulled me out of the room.

Matt's POV

Footsteps fell in a pattern as I paced back and forth. They would stop every so often to see if Near had moved. He never did...he just sat there, in the corner of my room, staring at the blank wall.

Mello's POV

I glared at the wall, ignoring Roger ranting on and on about moral and respect. Blah blah blah...I wanted nothing more than to go see Near again.  
"If you go apologize to Jackson then MAYBE we'll give you one more chance." I looked up and glared.  
"What if I don't apologize?"  
Roger smirked and leaned forward slowly. "Then Whammy's will have one less brat to deal with."  
My breath caught in my throat as if my lungs refused to believe that I may never see Near again. I forced myself to breath and act like I didn't care. He sent me out of the room without another word.  
I ran to my room and hid in the corner for a while, trying not to face the truth that I would have to apologize to that jerk. I knew eventually I would have to get up to go check on Near and Matt, but right now I didn't even want to get up to get a chocolate bar. I sighed and watched the shadows of the raindrops slide down my pale wall; it was depressing, I hadn't even noticed it had started to rain, the sky shedding tears that I refused too.  
Slowly, I pushed myself up and started heading towards Nears room. The ground was cold as I silently walked  
down the hall. More shadows danced down the walls from the wall of windows to my left. I knocked on Nears door and pushed it open, empty. I sighed; Matt's room was all the way across Whammy's house. I really did NOT feel like walking all the way there. I grabbed out my phone and smirked.

To: Matty my loser friend  
Message: Get your ass to Nears room! I think someone broke in!  
P.S. Bring Chocolate

**A/N**

**Phew. Cookies go to anyone who doesn't try and kill me for being late *Carefully places plate of cookies on your lap/desk/table/whatever your computer or laptop or iPod or iPhone or phone is sitting on :D***


	4. Chapter 4

NearXMello 4  
The way to forget and the reason to remember  
Matt's POV

From: My chocolate addicted bitch  
Message: Get your ass to Nears room! I think someone broke in!  
P.s. Bring Chocolate

I stared in confusion at the message on my phone. "Hm...oh well. Come on Near. Upsy daisy. Time to go to your room."  
He looked up at me in that dazed way of his. "My room?" I nodded.  
"Your room. Quick detour to the kitchen first though." I took Nears hand and led him out my door, closing it behind me.

Near's POV  
The warmth of Matt's hand was welcome compared to the emptiness after Mello was dragged away. I didn't pay much attention to where we were going; I was too lost in memories of when I first met Matt and Mello.

"What's your name little one?" I shook violently while tears ran down my cheeks continuously; too frightened to answer, I stayed silent. The man in front of me sighed and took my hand. "Come on, we best get you a room." I looked up at the man. He looked much older then me (obviously, considering I was only 5 at the time) his gray hair was mostly hidden under a hat so I mostly only saw those big kind eyes of his. He led me slowly to a big office in a giant building that he had driven me to. "Roger! This young man needs a room." The younger man behind a giant desk in the office looked at me like he didn't believe I would ever amount to anything. Sighing he asked the kind man what my name was. "We believe him to be Mr. River's son but we cannot be exactly sure yet.  
The younger man looked at me in disbelief "So this is supposedly Nate River? THE Nate River?" I could tell by a twitch in the older mans hand that he was losing his patience.  
"Yes Roger, this one is very important to L. Someday this little one may work very near L. Near...would you like to be called Near little one?" he leaned down and smiled warmly.  
Near...near to L...I liked it. I nodded my head ever so slightly and the old man smiled happily. "Very good. Is N's room open? The other man looked at a computer screen for a moment and nodded. "Wonderful! Then I shall take him to his new home. Room 14."

"Mello!" I cried out happily and ran into his arms. He smiled and blushed, holding me close.  
"Jesus Near, I was only gone for ten minutes. Besides, I always get in trouble." He looked down at me and chuckled, brushing my hair out of my face. "I'm okay, really." Mello looked around quickly to make sure Matt was still far behind and kissed me gently, causing me to blush.  
"What did Roger say?" I demanded. Mello's gaze darkened.  
"He said I had to apologize to Jackson or they would kick me out..." Matt ran up and had to lean down to catch his breath. "Wh...what di...did the...PHEW! Jesus! I had no clue this kid could run so damn fast!" I blushed and shrugged. "Any who; what did the idiot say?"  
Mello sighed and repeated himself.  
"But...I thought last time was the last straw..." Matt looked confused. Mello simply shrugged.  
"Guess they love me here too much to let me leave." Matt smirked and laughed sarcastically.  
"Yeah Mells, I'm sure THAT'S it." Matt helped me and Mello up. "So what's this about Near's room being broken into?"  
I spun around in confusion and yelped.  
"My toys!"

"My toys!" I cried out as the mean looking blonde proceeded to step on my brand new robot. I felt tears spring to my eyes, though I held them back, and pulled the peaces into my lap. The small blonde girl laughed and pushed me over.  
"Welcome to Whammys house freak!"  
A short red head with goggles on his head and a game boy came up behind the blonde girl. "Aw give 'im a break Mell. 'Es new 'ere." **(A/N I love thinking of lil Matt with a British accent :D SO ENTERTAINING!)**  
"Fine. But if you ever bug me I will beat you until jello **(A/N I find it entertaining that my computer doesn't recognize the word Jello :3 )** comes out your ears." The blonde kicked me again just to make sure I believed her. She stalked away to go torment some other helpless newbie.  
The red head leaned down to whisper, "E's really not that bad once you get used to 'im. Really." He? I looked once more the blonde. It was hard to believe that she was actually a he...oh well.  
"You just have to squint," He paused and waited for me to squint. I sighed and squinted at the blonde. "Now tilt your head," he waited again and I tilted my head. "And close your eyes. See! Doesn't he look friendly!" I shook my head.  
The red head sighed. "Imagination kid. Find some."

I ran around my room frantically while Mello chuckled at my door. "Near! Relax. No one broke in. I was just too lazy to run all the way across the house." Matt glared and smacked Mello. Mello glared back and tackled Matt. The two started to wrestle and laugh. I sat back and watched quietly smiling as the two played around happily. Life was good.

A quiet house in a small forest...everything was perfect. A beautiful loving mother. A handsome caring father. And a brilliant sweet child. They never thought in a million years that anything would happen to change that. Until it happened...  
The small boy screamed that night until his voice was long gone, he cried even longer than that. He cried, it seemed, until he was devoid of all emotions.  
They found him, staring at the pile of rubble, tears still streaming down his face, the next morning. They took him away. They took care of him. Never though, did they figure out who killed the family. They did, however, figure out the exact type of bomb, the time of the explosion, and that both the husband and wife died instantly. The boy had been outside at the time, so he had survived. Luckily he had been small enough to not remember much...he still had nightmares though...  
They didn't realize that this child was amazingly smart, he left the orphanage soon after they sent him there. He wandered the streets for a while, taking interest in a small professional puzzle shop. The workers there were impressed in the small child's knowledge and ability to solve their hardest puzzles in only a few minutes. A stranger, going by the nickname of Y came by and took the small child, promising to find him a good home that would let his extensive knowledge grow.

"Near?" Mello leaned down in front of me. "Hey...you okay?" I looked at him in confusion.  
"Why wouldn't I be?" He gently brushed my cheek.  
"Your crying..." I blinked...I was crying...I hadn't even noticed...  
"Sorry..." Mello watched me with concern.  
I looked at him sadly. "What were you thinking about love?"  
The tears started coming faster. I never knew that two simple words could hold such powerful emotion...so much pain...  
"My family..."

**A/N **

**Poor Near! In my mind Near's parents were killed in an explosion (well obviously kuz I just wrote it like that :3 ) but I also think they were ALBINO! c:**

**REVIEW AND I UPDATE TWICE NEXT WEEK**


End file.
